Not Once, Not Never

It is a relieve writing here for I'm quite sure no one shall read it these days.
But then why stick to online if I wish none will read it?
Let's say, this a little piece of me crying to be found.

It is my biggest goal in life to make people happily smile and laugh or even shed tears.. of joy.
It is not a modest thing to do. In fact, it is selfish.
Seeing other people's happy faces makes me happy.
I secretly smile knowing they are smiling because I made them to.
It is my cure.
It heals me.

Sometimes, at time like this, i feel tired of always smiling.
I hate it when someone praises my oh-so-everlasting energy when I am actually exhausted.
Of work.
Of days.
Of traffic.
Or of live.
I'm not proud of it.

Instead of cheering others, I want to be hugged. So tight that I am allowed to forget everything and just cry.

At time like this, I want to think nothing at all.
Forget about people,
work,
earth,
love,
and forget about myself.

At the end, I only wish to disappear.